Spin-Off Doctors Supplemental – Mortal Kombat: Annihilation

(What follows is the plot summary of Mortal Kombat: Annihilation used in recording The Spin-Off Doctors episode on said film. It’s unedited, and therefore riddled with typos, grammatical errors and misplaced punctuation. Enjoy!)

MORTAL KOMBAT, the music blares once more. I think they just re-used the intro from the first one but added the word Annihilation. Harry Morgan recounts that Liu Kang and some other people defeated Shang Tsung, ensuring the safety of Earthrealm for a generation. Liu Kang returns to his temple, but the skies go dark. Bad ninjas show up, followed by a veritable freak buffet lead by Outworld Emperor (and Skeletor cosplayer) Shao Khan. He declares that mankind will be destroyed within six days.

Confused, Liu Kang asks Raiden about the whole winning Mortal Kombat closing the portals to Outworld thing. In response Raiden explains how doors and windows work. Then Kitana sees her mother, who seems totally happy to see her in a crazed murdery sort of way.

Raiden and Shao Khan fight. Raiden’s kicking ass until one of the ninja throws Shao Khan a whip (to the horror of Raiden). Shao uses the whip to ensnare Sonya and steps on her neck, telling Raiden to surrender. Johnny Cage decides he’s going to save Sonya which, in total fairness to Johnny Cage, is technically correct because he becomes her replacement (he also has magic sunglasses). Raiden, in turn, threatens to destroy Khan’s generals, but Khan has read The Art of the Deal and holds firm on his position, pointing out that Raiden won’t sacrifice a human. So, Raiden offers himself in trade. Once his guard is down, Khan snaps Johnny Cage’s neck to show that Mortal Kombat Annihilation isn’t fucking around. He then zaps Raiden once more for good measure and summons a statue to lift up Cage’s corpse.

Raiden decides that, in spite of being the all-powerful defender of Earthrealm, they need to retreat from the ninjas. So, the heroes (which seem to now consist of Liu Kang, Kitana, Sonya and Raiden, for those keeping score at home) bugger off to some tunnels. Raiden explains that Outworld and Earthrealm are merging and suspects that Kitana’s mother is somehow being used to keep the portals open. He further theorizes that reuniting Kitana with her mother will break Khan’s spell, close the portals, and release her. Oh, and he thinks that Khan has somehow cheated the rules of Mortal Kombat.

Raiden decides to split them up so they can prepare. Sonya is to reunite with her former partner, Jax. Liu Kang and Kitana are to seek out Nightwolf at the Hopi Mesa for more help. Raiden is going to try and get the Elder Gods to put a stop to this. Then, they all hop into metal balls that travel through tunnels on thermal energy, built for two passengers, with some questionable navigational systems. Liu Kang, forced into tight proximity to Kitana, gets major wood.

Shao Khan’s father comes to visit him, and Khan is excited to tell him the good news about the merging of the realms. But it’s never good enough, and he is chided for not having killed Raiden.

Kitana tries to ask Liu Kang to do something in the event of her death, but he interrupts her, saying, “I have lost everything and I’m not going to lose you too.”

Of course, they’re so wrapped up in their own shit that they don’t notice the smoke taking ninja form until the last second. While Liu Kang does fighting with Smoke, Kitana takes on a group of Thugee. Smoke gets Liu Kang and Kitana pinned down and is aiming a finishing missile, when Sub Zero comes out of fucking nowhere and freezes the cyborg, which Liu Kang kicks over before the missile explodes.

When Liu Kang expresses surprise because of having killed Sub Zero in the tournament, it’s revealed that this Sub Zero is the younger brother of that Sub Zero, and that he’s protecting Kitana because of the legend that she’s the key to stopping Shao Khan’s plan. He makes an ice bridge but, midway through crossing, Sub Zero is attacked by Scorpion and they do a fighting. When Sub Zero gets pinned, Liu Kang moves to help him. But this is what Scorpion wanted all along, and he takes Kitana captive, teleporting away. Sub Zero urges Liu Kang to continue to seek Nightwolf, saying it’s pretty obvious he’s unprepared for this shit.

Raiden and Sonya pop out of their gopher hole outside a medical research facility in Hawaii, which looks like a burned out wasteland (which doesn’t bode well for the rest of Earth). Inside, she finds Jax on a table, covered by a sheet, which she removes to reveal he’s got them robot arms. After some fiddling to try and get Jax out of the wrist restraints (and explaining that Shao Khan’s prolly got a death squad on the way to kill her and, by extension, him), he just tries breaking them because he’s got them robot arms. Then they meet Cyrax and do a fighting. After Sonya beats Cyrax by blowing unknown chemicals into fire to burn him (she’s the smart one) she and Jax see a dragon sigil come to life and fly off Cyrax’s body. Then he starts ticking and they determine he’s a bomb.

Shao Khan’s minions Sheeva and Motaro argue over who’s better and get into a fight, but Khan interrupts and learns from Rain that Cabal and Stryker have been captured by Rain. But not killed, so Khan kills him and looks for a new general, appointing Sindel.

Liu Kang wanders through the Hopi Mesa. Finding a burned out site, he’s attacked by a wolf who turns out to be Nightwolf, who mocks him for his arrogance. He also says Liu Kang will need to pass three tests. The first is a test of courage which must be done in a dream state. There’s a fast way and an easy way, and the fast way is to hit Liu with a tomahawk.

Liu Kang has a vision where everyone he’s ever failed tells him that he’s a failure while Nightwolf tries to tell him he can do it. Then his eyes go all catlike and he wakes up back at the abandoned site, where it is now snowing. When he awakes, he finds Jade, who strips down to her skivvies because that’s the snow. She attempts to seduce him, but he resists, so she hits him and reveals herself to be Jade. Choir meets tribal drum fighting happens. It was another test, which pisses Liu Kang off.

Jade offers to lead Liu Kang to the temple of the Elder Gods. He resists at first, saying he has not completed all of Nightwolf’s tests, but gives in when she says that Kitana is there.

Speaking of Kitana, she’s in a cage. Shao Khan offers her a drink as a peace offering and she spits it in his face and blames him for the death of her mother and destruction of her family.

Walking somewhere, Jax demands some answers from Sonya, who says she doesn’t have time to explain (which is way better than having to write an explanation). Sonya’s still upset about Johnny dying, and this becomes a wedge between them. Splitting up, Sonya finds another statue like the one Shao Khan rose from the ground and is attacked by Mileena. Fighting happens. When Mileena is defeated, her tattoo turns into a dragon like what happened to Cyrax.

While she’s watching this, she doesn’t see the statue fall apart and reveal it had a demon in it. But Jax is there to do punchings and save the day. Covered in mud, special forces soldier Sonya Blade comments on how she needs to find a river. But her bath is going to have to wait because there are more ninja and they have to run.

At the Eternal Palace, Raiden calls to the Elder Gods to protest the invasion of Earthrealm by Shao Khan. He’s given three questions. He asks why the treachery was allowed. They say they don’t control the destiny of man, which doesn’t really answer the question. He asks if they’ll just sit by, which they confirm, as well as the fact that Kitana is the key to closing the portals. His last question is if reuniting Kitana and Sindel will be enough, and learns he’ll still have to kill Shao Khan and is asked if he’s willing to sacrifice his immortality for the humans.

Back in the desert, Sonya and Jax run into Liu Kang and Jade. Introductions are made, Jax admires Jade’s legs, and then they become aware of the precariousness of their position with Shao Khan’s forces hunting them down. Speaking of, Shao Khan’s forces are here, and the four go running to the temple of the elder gods. But Raiden’s not there. But then he is, flipping in and sporting a wild new haircut. He meets Jade, gives them shit for fighting among themselves, asks where Kitana is, and belittles Jax’s dependence on his robot arms (saying he doesn’t need them and he has a true strength that they’re holding him back from).

Raiden tries to use his powers to help the team escape, but he’s losing them. As he tries to do his lightning magic, Sindel screams and begins tearing down the walls of the canyon but escape just in time. But it’s not an escape, according to Shao Khan, who seems pleased they’ve fallen into whatever trap he’s put them in.

They land in Outworld, which is merging with Earth, so the Golden Gate Bridge is there. Jade says she knows where Kitana is, at Khan’s palace, and offers to take them there through a secret passage. Jax and Sonya aren’t sure, but Raiden decides they will follow her.

Shao Khan’s dad is pissed about the destruction of the temple of the elder gods, saying it puts the plan at risk, but Shao Khan justifies it as necessary and promises daddy will be proud.

The good guys find the ruins of the royal family’s temple. Sindel is there, and she attacks. Raiden sees it as an opportunity to capture her, as she’s half the solution to their problem, while Liu Kang goes on to rescue Kitana. He has a dance off with some ninja. By the time he’s done, Jax, Sonya and Jade have conveniently defeated Sindel.

Shao Khan inspires his troops with a rousing speech while Liu Kang skulks toward the palace entrance. Inside, he finds Kitana in a cage. But before he can work the crank to set her free, he gets attacked by Baraka, who looks like a GWAR reject.

Fighting happens, which concludes atop the cage as Baraka is casually kicked off. Liu Kang opens the cage and embraces Kitana, but the reunion is cut short by Sheeva, whose moment in the sun is then cut short in response by dropping the cage on her.

All the heroes come back together, and Raiden says Kitana’s love for Sindel will restore her. They pull a sleeping beauty routine, but it was a trap. It turns out there is no legend about reuniting Kitana with Sindel and Jade was also working for the bad guys the whole time. Sindel starts to transform into Wonder Woman, but instead teleports away while Jade slinks off.

The Earthrealm heroes are pretty pissed at Raiden for screwing the pooch here, and Raiden realizes he’s been lied to by the Elder Gods. Sonya sees Raiden’s tattoo, and it happens to be the same as the ones flying off of dead bodies. It’s a family crest that allows passage through the realms and only belongs to members of his bloodline, meaning that his dad, an Elder God is in on this and SHOCKER Shao Khan is Raiden’s brother.

At Shao Khan’s palace, Jade is reprimanded for not having killed the heroes and Sindel comes to her defense. Shao Kahn has her killed by dragon eating and warns Sindel that she might be next. Motaro takes pleasure in this shit, having been passed over for promotion.

Raiden explains that his father decreed his heir must be strong enough to kill his own brother in battle, and Raiden couldn’t do it. Still can’t. The team decides to pin all their hopes on Liu. No pressure. They slink off into Outworld without Raiden and find themselves near Liu Kang’s old temple, ready to die.

As they approach Shao Khan’s warriors, we discover that the music composer found their theremin in a closet somewhere. Raiden confronts his father, saying it’s not weak to value life. Shinook offers to bring him back to the fold, but Raiden says the himans are his family now. Shao Khan blasts the fuck out of him and the Earthrealm heroes come together over their fallen comrade.

“I am proud to die a mortal like you.”

Paired fighting happens. Jax goes after Motaro, Kitana fights Sindel and Sonya is left to deal with I want to say Ermac? Liu Kang moves to confront Shao Khan. Also, there are twenty minutes left in the running time. It’s not looking good for our heroes.

Jax is getting his ass royally kicked until he eventually gets his robot arm torn off. Sonya’s being defeated by a twin attack in comical style and nothing really interesting is going on with Sindel. She just kinda kicks Kitana’s ass.

But Jax realizes the strength within himself and tears off his other robot arm. This inspires everyone else, and they immediately turn the tide of battle. Motaro and Ermac are killed, Sindel is kept alive to witness Shao Khan’s demise.

Liu Kang discovers his animality and transforms into a dragon.

Shao Khan transforms into a hydra-snake thing and really fucking bad CGI fighting happens.

As they fall off the ruins they’re fighting in, they look like action figures briefly before returning to human form. Shao Khan has been wounded, though he should be invincible, and this is said by Shinook to be a consequence. The Elder Gods arrive to put a stop to Shinook’s meddling and say the fate of the multiverse will be decided as it always should be, in Mortal Kombat.

Climactic extended club mix fighting happens. When Shao Khan is defeated, his dragon tattoo tears out of his back and flies away, while Shinook is transported to the Phantom Zone. The realms are are separated again in the cheapest possible manner, and Liu Kang finds himself in front of his fellow monks at the Shaolin temple.

Jax and Sonya see the Elder Gods return life to Raiden and tell him that he will assume his father’s place among them. He tells the Earthrealm warriors to look out for each other, calling them a family, and buggers off. The end.

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